Tuesday, September 4, 2007

I suppose I should elaborate . . .

So, the title of this blog is "I Hate Matt Berry", which may have caused two small but important questions to wander up through your conciousness and into the forefront of your mind: Who is Matt Berry? and Why does Ben hate him? First things first.

Matt Berry, a.k.a. The Talented Mr. Roto, is a prominent fantasy sports blogger and is ESPN's Senior Director of Fantasy. You can read his lengthy bio here at his fantasy sport site, talentedmrroto.com. Go ahead and read it, I can wait.

Okay, so now that we've established who Matt Berry is, why do I hate him?

Well, I guess to be perfectly honest, I don't really hate Matt Berry. It's more of an extreme personal dislike for the way he writes. His blog content at ESPN.com (which appears to have expired recently, according to his August 9th entry) is split between fantasy analysis and personal anecdotes. Which is fine, after all, this is the Internet, where people can blog about whatever they want, no matter how inane or irrelevant.

But when I go to ESPN for expert fantasy baseball analysis, I don't want to spend half my time wading through blogs and mailbags about problems with dating or thoughts on cool shows. I want facts and analysis and observations that I don't feel like I could come up with myself. I guess that's my main problem with Berry; I feel like he wastes my time. I hate it when he spends his time in the online chats responding to questions and comments that have nothing to do with fantasy. Take this chat here. Just scrolling through it, we can see recurring questions and comments about Jessica Alba, Mr. Belvedere, Hulk Hogan, Matt Berry's nickname. These things do not interest me when I'm trying to find out which players are going to have great second halves or which pitchers are about to take a nosedive. But apparently they interest Berry enough for him to spend a good portion of the chat talking about them, despite the fact that he is supposed to be ESPN's director of fantasy.

(Okay, I'm feeling like things are going to get a little graphic in a second. Skip on ahead a paragraph or two, as things are probably going to start making less sense and start being more vulgar and libelous.)

These chats are Berry's links to the masses, these slimy sycophants from which he gets his validation and adulation. They come to these forums to get on their knees and fellate the fabled Berry cock. Rows upon rows of people all there to service their master. And Matt Berry, The Talented Mr. Roto, sits upon his throne, smiling beatifically upon his people, as he digitally offers them a collective fist-bump. Berry pisses smug superiority and shits delusions of grandeur. He's a boy who never grew up, and these chatrooms and websites filled with attention seeking brown-nosers and ass-lickers are his playground. They crawl to him, yearning to wipe his ass, and, oh, does he indulge them.

(That got kind of weird.)

(Sorry about that.)

(Okay I think I'm starting to come out out of it. Just bear with me.)

Berry's chats and blogs come off as an exhibition in glad-handing popularity. Chatters tell him how awesome he is, and he responds by answering their questions. His chats foster an environment where if you profess to like the things he does and laugh at his jokes, he will reward you with his wisdom.

If Berry would just focus on being a fantasy expert, and stop trying to be Bill Simmons, his writing would definitely be more palatable. As it is, I will continue to skip his posts, and focus my attentions on the words of Eric Karabell, Tristan Cockcroft, and Ron Shandler. I can always count on them for the straight shit.

So, anyways, that's why the title of this blog. Don't worry, while I may have to let off some steam from time to time about Mr. Berry, most of my posts won't be about him. And don't let me influence your opinion about him, go find out for yourself what you think. Let me know if I'm wrong. Wouldn't be the first time.


Steven said...

I'm pretty sure Sam Walker quoted Matt Berry saying he actually doesn't know anything about fantasy baseball, but just pretends too.

Ben Westrup said...

Yeah, I wanted to find that quote, but didn't have the time. But yeah, basically Matt Berry disclaims that he is an expert because he calls himself one.